My Sanity, That Is
by Heather Mocking
Summary: Sakura is a genin. Sasuke is a genin. Naruto is a genin. We meet a Clairvoyant Sakura with thousands of secrets. Most of them aren't even hers, but the big ones are. Sakura isn't the fangirlish one anymore. She has Tsumiki's death to deal with. Rated T for language that you can probably handle.
1. My Sanity, That Is

**ME: SASUKE**, **BOWIE SENSEI, WHAT UP?**

**SASUKE: Hey Buchou...**

**BOWIE SENSEI: WHAT UP MAH HOMIE?**

**ME: WHERE ART THOU GOING?**

**BOWIE SENSEI: NE-ER HERE OR THERE, DOUCHNOZZLE.**

**ME AND BOWIE: REAL TALK**

**SASUKE: Unless you want to fail in life and suffer from agression, homicidal and suicidal intent, please believe mw when I say-**

**INO: WE DUN OWN NARUTO!**

**I feel Stoopid for writing this Author's Note but WHATEVER.**

**ENJOY!~ **

It was nice while it lasted. My sanity that is. That gut wrenching pain I had whenever I saw my teammates, my teacher, my friends, knowing that I couldn't actually prove my existence without something that was proven the moment you were born. It wasn't about talent. Or specialty. Or effort. Those would never let you be discovered. I didn't like it. Then again, who did? To know and understand that it's not what you have that's bringing you down, it's what you don't have. This realization was what stopped time for me. Stopped whatever feelings I had, whatever motives or goals. Because I couldn't do anything without being brought down by something, being protected, being held down because of many weaknesses. It darkened me, to be so naïve in the first place. I wanted to know everything. Everyone's secrets, things nobody knows. I knew fully well that I would never be recognized under the shadow of my friends. I would always be known as 'the teammate of him' or 'the student of him', never 'it's her'. So I started developing myself, developing things around me, finding out things nobody knew, secrets meant never to be found. But it never filled the pain, I was still weak, I was hiding this powered side of me. The side that would really count.

What annoyed me most about my era of naivety, was the fact that I ignored my broken past. The past that turned me into a twisted child before I had come here, to this blinding village. So there I was, again a dark child of seemingly low caliber.

_He's coming_I thought to myself, looking at the tattooed patterns that lined my arms just below the elbow. I looked at the stars that dotted the navy blue sky from my desk, forming into the Big Dipper. I sighed quietly, taking out papers from my desk and examining the sketches I created. I took out an angle ruler and started working into the morning.

I was well aware of the bags still under my eyes. I didn't care though; pain was innovation. The orange-purple light of day flowed into my room, making the room brighter with every second of the sun rising. I stretched, fingering the number of all-nighters I pulled in order to finish the sketches. _Sleep comes tonight,_I thought to myself. My long hair was pulled into a messy, limp ponytail, blue Obito-style goggles covered my eyes(yeah, I knew what happened, what did I tell you about knowing secrets?) and I wore a black tank top and shorts and a white labcoat. Curiosity was probably the emotion that was brimming inside me. It always was after my realization. I decided to leave my weapons holder on my desk since I hadn't needed it anymore. I took off my apron and went to the training grounds with black opaque gloves to cover my tattoos, I kept on my lab attire out of laziness, walking onto the bridge where Sasuke was waiting for Kakashi. He looked at me and gave a disapproving look, mainly because it was me, but also because I didn't have any weapons holder or anything.

"…" I looked to the stream that ran under the bridge, it was flourishing since it was summer, and the beating sun made the river gleam a blinding light. I leaned on the red rail, thinking to myself. Large, motherly fish squirmed uphill to get to their eggs, trying to avoid the large pebbles and rocks submerged in. It was kind of a representation of life though, however easy it seemed. I heard the arrival of my other teammate shortly after, a large chortling figure noisily making himself up the bridge, absolutely unmistakable. You could hear the elephant steps he made onto the red bridge quite well but I could hear him stop and knew he had seen the caliginous tween behind me. I could feel the uncomfortable and awkward atmosphere that was swirling around my two comrades and I ignored it. Their glares were probably getting more intense behind my back. I focused my spring green eyes toward the flowing river, the impossible hope of Kakashi getting here on time on my mind.

"Hey Sakura! What's with the new outfit?" Naruto asked me, his bright blue irises glancing at me as he walked to the side of the bridge I was on. I smiled and looked at him, his tanned innocent face close to mine.

"I was too lazy to change out of this," I gestured to my black and white outfit, scorching me because of the summer sun. I rested my arms on the rail, gently letting my head lie on them and waited along with the others, an amiable silence falling over our team. As time stretched, I sensed the jounin coming closer and narrowed my eyes at the water, letting Naruto complain endlessly of our instructor coming late.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late. I'm afraid I got lost on the path of life~" I heard the familiar misty voice greeting us, receiving a well-deserved angered yell from Naruto. He looked at me, confusion then reluctance lacing his obscure, dark eyes. I was used to the pity, so I passively nodded, mumbling the same reply I gave to Naruto. My blonde teammate proclaimed his challenge of showing off and saving Sasuke, which I supported well on, to Kakashi and Sasuke's masked surprise.

"Sensei! I'm ready for the next ninja mission! No more of this dumb beginner stuff okay! I wanna chance to prove myself I'm talking a real mission where I can show what I'm made of! I'M FREAKING_BURNING UP_ SEE?" Naruto blathered, fire in his eyes. I chuckled to myself, holding a gloved hand up to my mouth. Kakashi lead us to the mission grounds, and as expected, Naruto's little goal kept a record of failed, catastrophic, and slightly amusing memories to remember fondly. Though it was quite clear my mind was somewhere else, all I got were a few pitied stares and shakes of the head, the usual. Afternoon set in and the sun was at its peak, sweat made my shirt cling to my skinny frame, and I was ready to collapse into bed and work into the morning again. I held back my panting and urged the thoroughly injured kyuubi vessel towards his home. I could bear the weight, but not the sun, as unusual as it was because of my background.

"Naru-pyon, you should really think before you act," I cooed, unable to hold back the amusement in my voice. He nodded in defeat. We were carrying him, each arm on either Sasuke's or my shoulder.

"You really are just one big problem," Sasuke said, making me twitch noticeably, I sent a cold stare up to him, he matched it. Naruto was in between us, unable to assess the situation as he boiled angrily at another opportunity Sasuke had gained of insulting him.

"_SASUKE_!" Naruto yelled loudly, digging his feet into the dry gravelly ground. The said boy turned and I watched the whole thing unravel, worrying about another matter at hand and glancing uneasily further down the sidewalk.

"Guess we're not making much progress on the teamwork thing," I chuckled to myself, unease still filling me.

"THAT'S RIGHT! OUR TEAMWORK IS ALL MESSED UP AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE," Naruto said, pointing a tan finger at him.

"Not everyone, just you, face it, I'm better and stronger than you are. It's a fact," Sasuke said, infuriating an already angry Naruto." Unless you have what it takes to prove me wrong,"

"Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn." I mumbled to myself, catching the others' attention. I twitched uncontrollably, looking towards the further part of the street and jumping with unease. I took off my goggles and continued to look at the bird that was swirling above. Naruto gritted his teeth and an aura of dismal challenge engulfed the half fenced off area. Kakashi thankfully ended the situation by telling them that 'Now is not the time' and Sasuke went off on his own to train. Naruto hmphed and looked hopefully at me.

"Don't worry about that ass! You and me can develop our teamwork all day," Naruto said, voice rising in hopeful joy. I nodded, pointing toward what I was looking at.

"We'll go this way," I said, giving a fake smile like one of my childhood friends. Kakashi disappeared in a cloud of audible smoke just then and we started to walk. We didn't go far until Konohamaru started following my teammate poorly disguised as a perfectly rectangular rock. It turned into a big deal really, with fits of colored smoke and Pokemon-like introductions, though I knew each of them already. They wanted to play 'ninja' with Naruto, who sharply and loudly disagreed, leaving the kids to reason with him. Konohamaru looked at me oddly and thought I was Naruto's girlfriend, I shook my head, while Naruto did the complete opposite. Konoha-chan then had a heated argument with a feline who apparently tripped him and challenged the cat to a duel(it was amazing how much Naruto and Konohamaru were like the same person) The situation ended with Konoha-chan running from this cat and into someone.

"Konohamaru!" Naruto yelled, worry in his voice._I knew this was going to come,_I thought to myself, hiding behind a wall as I watched carefully. Konohamaru was being held by the gruff of his scarf by Kan-chan.

"Put him down Kankuro," Temari growled, yet Kankuro still gripped Konohamaru's blue scarf, she added,"You'll pay for it later." Naruto gritted his teeth, his exaggeratedly angry face twisted.

"YOU BETTER TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM RIGHT NOW!" Naruto cried, pointing a finger at Kankuro. I saw the Sand nin's eyes avert to Naruto's headband and he gave a wispy smirk.

"We got a few minutes before he gets here, let's mess something up, ah?" Kankuro stated in a question, looking arrogantly at Konohamaru who was pulled up above Kankuro's head.

"LET GO OF ME YOU JERK!" Konohamaru squirmed, earning a distorted cackle from Kankuro. Naruto growled angrily, anger boiling up until he burst.

"PUT HIM DOWN!" Naruto yelled a battle cry and ran to Kankuro. He did a motion with his fingers and made Naruto stop. That. Was. It.

"Kan-chan," I said calmly walking up from my hiding spot. Kankuro looked at me and his eyes widened, his grip loosened and the chakra strings that attached to Naruto's foot snapped.

"Saki..." Temari rushed over to me, flinching at the Leaf forehead protector tied safely around my neck. I looked at Temari, a rush of rendezvous filling my body. She inspected me, from my outfit to my eyes, her eyes softened and stared skeptically at my pink hair.

"He really did a toll on you huh?" Kankuro laughed, earning a glare from Temari.

"Yeah, but you know." I darted my eyes to the side avoiding the curious gazes, I ruffled my pink bangs and smiled softly, "It's nothing major..."

"TO HELL WITH NOTHING MAJOR!" Temari burst out angrily and abruptly. She nagged, pointing her finger at me and glared with an ounce of caring in her voice.

"But... Onee-cha-"

"I said... TO HELL WITH THAT." Everyone on the road looked skeptically at us. Two Sunagakure ninja on one side and the almost collapsed little grandson of the Hokage with two companions helping him up, and the Kyuubi vessel and a pink-haired girl on the other side. Yes, quite entertaining, hm? Temari came to grab the scruff of my neck, like she did when she was nagging me when we were small.

"WHAT HE DID TO YOU WAS NOT NOTHING." I felt pain and I could barely breathe, she pulled me up eye-level, and her dark baby blue eyes stared at me with flaming iris. I could feel Naruto getting angry. Then suddenly, a pebble hit Temari's wrist and she let go of me. I sighed wearily looking for the proclaimed 'hero' as Moegi would've put it. I found Mr. Sasu-pyon himself, standing pridefully above us in a tree, I shook my head and Temari gritted her teeth.

"Who is that guy?"

"My teammate," I replied to Kankuro and Temari's blooming curiosity.

"That brat... he hit my sister," Kankuro seethed, glowering at the body above. I stifled a laugh and barely let out a still audible giggle.

"Yeah. You're mean..." I said, agreeing with Kankuro to benefit towards my amusement. Sasuke looked taken aback for a millisecond but I saw his abrupt unease and a smile flickered onto my face.

"Now. To pay me back... BUY ME POPSICLES." I ordered Uchiha-tan.

"No." Kankuro said, his eyes turned to purple painted slits. "Let's have a fight," I froze, my blood ran cold. I did a check on all the chakra signatures in the area _Oh my fucking lord,_I thought as I saw the black shadow pass the trunk behind Sasuke.

"Gaa..ra..." I muttered as I saw the familiar redhead standing upside down on the tree branch. His jade eyes were no longer as soft as I had seen them up close, they were as hard and piercing as his recent profiles. He looked at me, and smirked sadistically, jumping down from his branch and coming closer to me.

"Well what do we have here?" Gaara muttered slyly, face closing on mine. I smiled darkly, my oppressive side morphing into me.

"A worthy opponent... right?" I looked at him as intensely as he did, me. His eyes were twisted and rotten as he bore holes into my eyes. I took it as a challenge, but still looked away.

"You..." Gaara put his hands on my shoulders and pointed begrudgingly to his red tattoo on his forehead.

"I'm sure you know,"

"...Of course," I was aware about the horrid story behind that kanji character that represented his feelings just still on his forehead. In unaware silence, my teammates and Konohamaru's Gang stood restlessly, looked confused at the seemingly dramatic meeting of both of us.

"I guess I'll have to buy you guys ramen as a treat as long as you're here, for the Chuunin Exams right?" I questioned, knowing the obvious answer.

"Yeah," Temari muttered, casting a worried glance at Gaara. I felt his demon surging inside of him as I patted his shoulder. "But we have to go, training and all,"

"Yeah, I have to show up Tsumiki now with the Chuunin arrangements and all,"

"You do that too? So, you know that Tsumiki's... dead?"

"I think I'd be the first to know," I gave Kankuro a reassuring smile and vanished.

\ ( * ^ * ) /

"Your late, Intelligence."

( o n e )

"You suck, Sarutobi… You know what's been happening," I said quietly, casting a wary smirk to which he waved away passively. The dimly lit lamps brightened the Hokage Tower at night, but only by a little, I could only see half of Sarutobi's face and the other half was a barely visible silhouetted shadow. I could see the grim expression that hid behind a thickly veiled face. His thick lips were curved to its permanent frown, stress lines and wrinkles lined his face and his eyes hid behind his leathery eyelids and he looked up at me with apathetic eyes.

"So, you know the exams are just around the corner…" Sarutobi implied, holding out his hand to which I quickly replied, handing over a thick wad of papers that weighed ten pounds. I had a blatant scowl plastered on my face as I put on my goggles and did a casual salute to the Third Hokage and left, rushing hurriedly to the door and disappearing, leaving a cloud of fake gray smoke.

( ._ .) – no comment

**SASUKE POV**

I threw my kunai in several directions, all of them hitting the target perfectly. I scowled, I still had a long way to go, considering the Chuunin Exams were coming close. I have to get stronger so I can avenge my clan and kill my idiot brother. But I'm not getting anything done hanging around with these annoying losers. Jeez. They're a total waste of my time. Sakura is just a burden and Naruto keeps coming up with new trouble. Not to mention those weird people from Suna who seem really powerful. If I'm going to get stronger, I have to become a Chuunin…

**Daze**

_What the hell are you saying, Inner?_

**What? It makes the dobe motivated… maybe saying 'daze' will make us stronger too!**

_What the hell? Words won't make you stronger, training will!_

I shut off my Inner and concentrated on the flowing energy inside of me. I carefully did a Tiger handsign and fire blazed up from my hands, brightening the dark night. I narrowed my eyes at the burnt training ground that was in my residence. That red haired guy… he had an evil look in his eyes.

**END SASUKE POV**

( o m e )

_Rate and Review guys!_

_/puts on glasses_

_You won't regret it!_


	2. Welcome to the Execution Phase

**WE MEET AGAIN...**

**unfortunately... not so well over **

**I give you permission to bully me, flame me, I have been a horrible writer.**

**NO EXCUSES**

Chapter 2 Rewrite

"It has become time to choose the candidates for the Chuunin Exams," The Third Hokage began, sitting on his usual embellished chair, "We'll start with the advisors of the fresh Genin," Kakashi, Asuma and Kurenai stepped forward, a tense curtain fell over the meeting room that was filled with experienced Jounin on one side, and a ruler on the other.

"These exams, as you know, are of extreme importance to our village," The Hokage was looking down as he spoke, The Jounin felt the atmosphere drop around him, he was hiding something. His decrepit face met eye contact with the experienced Jounin around him. "It's up to you tto figure out who is of most importance in these missions. But don't" he eyed Kakashi, who stiffened,"avoid those who seem to have no hope. In this world, we tend to stare in awe at the winners and shun the runner ups, the losers, the people who are average, and forget that," Sarutobi took in a breath,"that they are humans too,"

"So on this note, I would like you all to reevaluate everything about your students. You don't know who they are, no matter how much you think you do. Pain is understood by everyone. Keep that in mind." He cleared his throat again, "Without further ado, I would like the choosing to begin with Kakashi Hatake,"

"I lead Squad Seven. Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki, and Sakura Haruno," Kakashi muttered confiidently, "I would like to recommend all three of these Genin,"

"And my squad is Number Eight. Hinata Hyuuga, Shino Aburame, and Kiba Inuzuka, and now I, Kurenai Yuki, recommend all three,"

"And my squad is Number Ten. Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, and Chouji Akimichi. I, Asuma, recommend all three,"

"Kakashi, Asuma. Keep an eye on those pupils of yours," The Hokage's voice deepened again and his eyes felt the floor again.

"Of course,"

**Not long After ~ Sakura POV**

They say I'm a failure. It's not exactly false, but not true. Why? Because I know I'm not good at it at all. But what they see is the results. Their eyes are only for the results. There is never a care for people who put in effort, they are unappreciated, forever underdogs. There are people who have natural ability, their results impeccable, but with no effort. And so, they stand on the ivory tower, staring at the sun while casting a shadow over us, laboring, struggling to build a seemingly eternally collapsing tower.

And there I was, huddled over a desk. A candle lit. But no one could see that little light. Nor the sketches, nor the plans, nor the notebooks, nothing. Just the shell of my body responsible for action, the container of my soul. They keep pitying and shunning until we give up. Everything we have worked for is now gone. The carpet has been grasped from under us, and now we are lying on the floor, wondering why we were there in the first place.

Again. Those thoughts. I was pretending again that I had actual problems. Every time I wonder these things, there is always a dying child. Why do we act as if the world is crashing on our heads when "too much homework" is on our desk when there is a massacre? Because our problems have to be equal with our lives. When we have little lives, it's only sensible we have little problems.

Is that why I have made things harder on myself than before? Before Orochimaru. Before discernment. Before Clairvoyance.

Maybe. Maybe not.

**THE NEXT DAY ~**

Every day seemed to be the same to me. I couldn't understand the mundane mind of the average ninja. It seemed as if killing bad guys were the only thing they could accomplish, they didn't even think of why that scroll was needed, or why that Sound nin was killed. All these ninjas need are people who are "bad" and then they will be happy, as though the bad guys were just prey to the predator. And so, the world was revolving, and I, the tiny speck that means nothing at all to anyone, was looking at it oddly. Many people believe the world is divided into separate groups, the good and bad, at least, that's what religion had taught us. In reality however, Lucifer and God are us, they are the "gods" that try to separate acts into 'to do' and 'not to do.' Our subconscious.

If I were to think as idiotically as my friend Sasuke here, sitting next to me, angst radiating off of him like he was about to cut his wrists with a butcher knife, to which I would not be surprised, I would run straight into a kunai, thinking I would learn fighting. His family is dead but he doesn't research it? He of all people should know that eyewitnesses aren't exactly the best sources, and even then, Itachi's not going to spell out his whole plan like a cliché villain. You need to get the story straight. There are only a couple of people who know about the truth behind the Uchiha massacre. The Konoha Council, and me. I have my ways, the Council are conniving irritants.

I woke up again. In a trance. The Chuunin exams were just around the corner, and I found I had dozed off. Sasuke was still glaring down the red floor and Kakashi was nowhere to be seen.

_Sasuke... Unless you want to die, don't go to the Chuunin Exams._

"So..."

_Oh the naivety of some people_

"Sakura!" The distinct, starchy smell of garlic and seaweed overcame me, I didn't have to look up to know who he was. Naruto, I definitely need to applaud that guy, despite all of his actual problems, he still is determined to smile. They're fake smiles, but he tries. And here I am, thinking like I have real problems and doing nothing to help Naruto, the one who I know will be the best ninja. My future? I think I can safely say my future will be nothing compared to these two.

Time passed.

Kakashi arrived.

A normal day.

But with the Chuunin Exam slips.

This was what I was waiting for. All of my acting and extra training, my plans came to this.

Welcome, Sakura, to Execution Phase

**HEY GUYS**

**I REALIZE IT HAS BEEN A LOOOOOONG TIME. BUT~**

**I HAVE SPRING BREAK NEXT WEEK SO I'M SURE TO BRING YOU NEW CHAPTERS**

**I WANT TO ADD A TIME SKIP BECAUSE ROMANCE WHEN SASUKE AND SAKURA ARE 12 IS WEIRD**

**BUT ONLY AFTER THIS PART OF THE PLOT IS FINISHED**

**LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS IF THAT IS WHAT YOU DESIRE!**

**SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSOR RYSORRYSORRY FOR THE LOOOOOONG UPDATE**

**~HM**


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